Am I a Mutant Freak?

A flashback post from SpiritOfTheNight which was published May 30, 2002.

I set up this column with Ringman, the Backwash founder, in secrecy. In fact, I’ve been around Backwash about a year on and off. I write another column over in original Backwash. But, I didn’t feel comfortable coming out about my BDSM side. There are a lot of stereotypes for women. Things a nice girl does and doesn’t do. Nice girls get treated like nice girls and those other girls, well, they’re just sluts aren’t they?

At one point in my life I thought I was going to die a virgin. I was over 30 when I had sex with a real live human male. I actually took my own cherry with a vibrator I bought in an adult store and I was in my later 20’s then. Even that had to happen when I was thousands of miles away from home.

Not that my Mother was/ is someone prim and proper. Heck, I was her second pregnancy and she was 20 when I was born. The first pregnancy was aborted. If it hadn’t been for that kid’s being aborted I wouldn’t be here today. Mom told me that she didn’t want to abort a second baby so she married my Dad. My Dad is a jerk most of the time, I’ve always thought she should have run while she could.

Anyway, that’s all getting way off the topic. I grew up as a nice girl in a middle class neighborhood in the suburbs of a very large city. Sex wasn’t something taboo but we weren’t about to open up a bordello for a bit of extra income either. You get the idea.

I was a virgin for so long because I didn’t meet any guy I wanted to get naked with. You are pretty vulnerable at that point. My Dad spent a lot of years heaping emotional abuse on me, mainly about how I looked. That didn’t make me feel better about myself and I often loaded up on goodies to make up for it. So, by the time I was 20 I was chubby, had less than perfect skin and any time I might have a bit of self esteem it would be blown to bits when ever I looked at movies, magazines and all the other places “they” tell us we should all look like air brushed photos of skeletal women.

So, dropping my drawers was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do to attract the opposite sex. I think I choose my husband as my first (and only) lover because he was someone who felt a lot like I did. We were both virgins. But, if anyone asks me what the hottest sex I have ever had was, that was it! To be touched so reverently, cautiously, it made me feel like a goddess- priceless, valued and very sexy. Of course, that’s all dust in the wind now.

Anyway, am I a mutant freak? Does anyone else have kinky fantasies or better yet, kinky sex? Does it turn you on to think of being seduced? Do you have rape fantasies? Do you think it would be fun to tie up a strong man and have your way with him? Or do you really, secretly just want to be Daddy’s little girl?

Adult Backwash’s Place In Sex Blogging History

GraciousSizzle on the significance of Adult Backwash.

A few weeks ago, the brave Dangerous Lilly started a conversation about the history of sex blogging. Not long after that, GlamKitty (GK) (who did participate in the adult side of BW as a member of The Unholy Trinity) began waxing nostalgic about in general. It was these two conversations (one digital, one real world) which prompted me to get involved in the Backwash Reunion and agreeing to run Dark Wry Toast as a resurrection, of sorts, of Adult Backwash.

While I (impatiently) waited for GK to make her post, so that I wouldn’t have to repeat too much, I thought about the reasons Adult Backwash deserves to be remembered.

Having begun in 2001, the red side of BW was among the very first sites to provide not only homes for sex bloggers but space to curate, or create a directory of,  sex websites and other mature adult content. While our writings and linkage were segregated from Backwash-proper, using the adult-dot subdomain, those of us at Backwash-improper were given as much free-rein to publish what and when we wanted as the mainstream columnists.

Right from the start, the red side had a mix of columnists writing on all sorts of adult topics. There were the intimate personal posts; entertaining erotic stories; advice columns; sex ed articles; website, sex toy and other product reviews; and, of course, columns that mainly presented images. We covered sex from serious to silly, vanilla to BDSM, softcore to hardcore, visual to verbal ~ and, via our self-identified male and female columnists, we covered the spectrum of sexual fluidity, from hetero fare to LGBT topics, too. Considering that gender, orientation, identity, and race are closely linked to economic power, and therefore affect the ability for some to access the web (especially back in the early days of the Internet), we were fairly well-balanced in terms of representing human sexual existence.

Like our mainstream counterparts, we could ~ and did ~ start communities and newsletters. We also worked to discover and curate links, including reviewing the dearth of submitted links (paid or not) that were consistently sent and spammed to the site. And all of us, adult and mainstream columnists alike, shared a private “columnists only” message board, where we could discuss issues, policies, and suggest ideas. (OK, let’s be honest; that’s where we posted rants and bickered with one another too.)

We were separate in our digital territories, but relatively equal in the eyes of the klout-master, the site owner, David Ring. And by “relative”, I mean that those columnists and moderators who generated more traffic, fetched more advertising leads, sold more premium services, &/or did more work at the site were held in slightly more esteem than others who provided less for the Backwash brand.  That is, after all, primarily how capitalism works. Or how it is supposed to work in order to achieve success.

Amazingly, this equality was continued through the social network.

Yes, Adult Backwash, like all the BW sites, had its own social network system in 2003. This at a time when adult content, adult performers, nudity, and the like were all prohibited from other social media sites. A. Maze. Ing.

adult social network

As GK wrote, one of the unique aspects of all the Backwash sites was the belief in, and basis on, content and columnists. While other sites would eventually either allow adult profiles (typically hidden behind a wall until one “toggled” their acceptance and permission to view such things), be developed entirely for the adult community, or be paid subscription adult dating sites, none of them featured sex columnists ~ or at least not so many of them continually providing great sex blogging and curated content on adult themes.

I truly believe that had BW continued to focus on this feature, using it to grow and monetize the sites, rather than focus on selling the software to others, all the sites in the BW family would have become the standards for social websites. At the very least, Adult BW would have become the premier adult social media website. Now, I think we can all say that Fetlife has that honor; or Tumblr, depending on your definition of social networking sites. But neither has the combination of remarkable and innovative features that BW sites did. Or so many kick-ass adult columnists.




Dangerous Lilly’s sex blogging history conversation has since been growing, with comments and postings continuing to be added. Along with her original post, these are among some of the best additions:

Find out more about the history of issues with sex blogging platforms (host sites) and search engines:

Oh, do you remember using MySpace?

For blogging about sex history, see Silent Porn Star and my Sex History Scoop.

Confessions of a Sex Blog Reviewer

A flashback post from SpiritOfTheNight, from Saturday March 20, 2004.

I review sex blogs, journals and resources for sex blogs and journals. You might think that was a lot of fun, pretty stimulating too. Mostly it’s on the dull side.

Sites are all too often hard to navigate, full of links to paying sites and no content of their own or they just don’t interest me. I will list most of the sites that fall into the realm of bloggishness. Not the spammy ones or those not updated more than every now and then when they get a round tuit. If you wouldn’t read it why should it be listed? That’s my theory anyway.

Today there were 3 sites submitted to the adult journals category. Of the three one was last updated August, 2003. An obvious spam for a phone sex service. Deleted, with a note added in case it is re-submitted. Saves me some time and clicking.

The other two were worthy of consideration. One was a blog service type of thing. Not really all that interesting but I listed it anyway. It did seem to be getting updated and for someone browsing the web it would be useful. The other site was an actual sex blog, with a journal and everything. I listed it and skimmed along myself. I did not get turned on. But, did check out her links before leaving. From there I found one other good site and listed that too.

So, now you know. All the perks of being a sex blog reviewer. One nice plus is finding links to add to BackWash. What? You thought I just found them all by my sweet little self? No, I think most of them come from browsing one site to the next. You never know where you will end up. Of course, another interesting way to find links is to randomly type something in to a search and see what oddities come along. Usually I can find at least one unusual and interesting site that way.

Not a very interesting journal this time. I’m just not feeling up to it. But, I thought you might be missing me. We dragons do have our egos.